10,000 Reasons

They say everything happens for a reason. There are times in our lives and situations where it becomes impossible to believe this. It seems much easier to blame God. That is something I never believed in the two years I watched what seemed like endless suffering. I prayed. We all prayed, and yet literally every day was more bad news. Of course I became angry with God. How can you not after seeing two of the most important people in your life suffer terribly. But I never stopped believing. In the end, our prayers were not answered. So, surprisingly God is who I turned to for strength....sometimes just to keep breathing when the truth of my new normal became real. For months, Jason and I had long conversations about life, God, and the future. I started to feel a pull...sort of a fire starting. I ignored it. Jason grew up in church but started to struggle with his own beliefs and wanted to find the truth. So he began to read the bible and take notes. The subject of religion and God kept coming up, so we started attending a local non denominational church and instantly loved it. The people were incredibly nice and Noah and Nora loved it. The pull in me became stronger again and became impossible to ignore. At the end of each service you are invited to come up and pray or be baptized. I would stand there and wonder what it was like. There were numerous sermons that I really could identify with and at the end of service, in that short time of opportunity, my heart would pound. The feeling was overwhelming. After that, Jason and I talked for hours one night about it. About how everything happens for a reason. How some of the huge decisions we were in the process of making, would not be happening had my mom and dad still been alive. Dreams were starting to feel like a reality and yet I felt like there was something missing. In those few short months, Jason became confident in his new faith and beliefs. He felt like they were right for him and no longer struggled. So last week we made a decision and contacted one of the family's we had gotten to know. So this morning, we stood together holding hands and together we were baptized. Such an overwhelming feeling! The gap now feels complete. I look back at my life and cannot believe it was mine. How do you go from perfection, to what seems like hell on earth and then slowly becoming perfect again. I am blessed. Incredibly blessed!! I am complemented every single time my family is out together on how beautiful my family is. My children are healthy and thriving, I have this big family that I feel like I can count on when I need them. And now I have God. I feel like chapter one is over. Life is new and opportunities are endless. One year ago I would have never thought it could be like this again. So, I can truly say that I am overwhelmed with grace today.  There IS a reason for everything and everything will eventually fall into place if you just hold on and believe. 

http://youtu.be/XtwIT8JjddM

New beginnings

It is so easy to get wrapped up in the negative things in life. Feeling stuck and not knowing if you will ever get out, and thinking you will just make the most of it until you are older and can just stop working. Yep, I'm talking about jobs! As most of you know, I recently changed salons. Let me tell you the relief that has come over me in the last two months. Yes, being your own boss is more work. It can be frustrating on days when you really don't want to hear your phone ring! But the benefits are worth it.
Before, I was at a salon for the past almost 5 years. After about 2 years I was no longer happy. I liked the girls that I worked with and I was busy. So, I stuck it out. After a couple more years I found myself getting jealous of just about everyone who loved their job and started looking online at my options. Being afraid to leave the area, I thought that I was stuck. There were no other options and I had to stay. Also, being told that if you leave the salon, the salon will have to close, puts a huge weight on you and the guilt setts in. I had also made very good friends with one of the owners, and when your parents are dying of cancer, all the ears around you are a big help. We had lots of days where we would just sit and complain about life, husbands, kids, work, etc. we also had lots of laughs. Although I was getting to the point where I couldn't handle my kids and was always screaming at my husband. The situations at work were getting worse even after a much needed relocation of the salon. I had hoped that would have made me happier, but no such luck.
Soon after, another friend and I decided that we were going to become " renters!" We were incredibly excited, and I felt like this was my way of having my cake and eating it too. I got to stay incredibly close to home, keep my clients, but not have to deal with the phone, or any of the other drama. I was just going to go to work, and go home.
The first day was a disaster and the next day I got into a huge fight with my " friend " who was the owner. Being told that if I would have bought my own color, cleaned their toilets , and answered their phones, everyone would have been happy. Also being told that I only worked there to make myself look better than everyone else. That was the last of it. I lost it and finally put an end to the misery!
The next day after talking to a very good friend that I used to work for, I found a new job and worked there that night. The relief was incredible. I walked into an environment that was incredibly welcoming, and just had a wonderful energy. Here I was with a bunch of girls I didn't know who we're incredibly good to me from the beginning. No constant complaining about how much they hated their kids, their husbands, their life in general. Just a positive environment. At one point I just thought ... This can be real... It's too good.
I didn't realize just how unhappy I was until it was over. I think it is easy to get trapped in the negative things in life. To get sucked into complaining all the time how awful life is can become consuming, and turn you into an equally negative person. I have had plenty of negative after losing my mom and dad. I think that is what started the downward spiral of needing something more. Life is incredibly short, and can be incredibly awful. I'm so thankful that God finally gave me the opportunity to get out of a not so good situation that was going no where.
I'm so thankful that I get to go to work every day in a positive environment where we all seem to love what we do. I don't come home emotionally drained, and hating my kids and husband. After going through the past two years with losing both of your parents, it can go one of two ways. I know for sure that i was in a downward spiral... Feeling negative, and stuck going no where. Just holding out until the day we made enough money where I didn't have to work.
Thank God for new beginnings. I love doing hair!! It has been a passion of mine forever and now that's what I do when I go to work. I am so thankful for Jason for putting up with me the last few months and sitting up with me all hours of the night so I can just get it all out.
Leaving was something I wish I would have done a long time ago but I'm comforted with the realization that God has a plan and that He is in control. It happened when it was suppose to. I am a better person because of it, and I have learned who I don't want to be. Thank you God for new beginnings.

sweet babies

Nothing new going on.

No one has been sick lately, thank God.

Haven't been anywhere exciting, haven't done anything exciting

Just hanging around enjoying lazy winter days with my sweet babies. 

Wishing for Spring!  

xoxo

Goodbye 2012!!!

Last New Years eve, I swore that this year would be better. That only good things would happen, that I would have the strength to make it through all of the bad stuff. Well, the only thing I was right about, was the strength. Although sometimes I don't think that was what it was. I simply just kept moving I dodnt havea choice. On those days where I literally felt like I was out of my mind, You cant even describe the feeling of being so incredibly overwhelmed. I have changd in so many ways. The last two years have shaped me into who I am now. 3 years ago I would have NEVER thought that I would lose my mom and dad in less than 6 months. Sometimes I just panic when I realize that its real life. Its not a bad dream. Like I said in yesterdays post, I am very excited about the year to come and I have no expectations. The only plan I have is to live life. We only get ONE go. As hard as it is sometimes, we must make it a beautiful life, try to see the beauty in everything and Thank God for what we have!

Just a few randoms from the year!

~

Incredibly excited!

      So incredibly excited about all of the newness happening in my life right now! Last week, I started a new job! I was unhappy for a long time where I was, and the situation just got pretty nasty. SO, I did what I had to do and I fixed it. I started at a new place immediately and I love it. All of the girls there are so nice and went out of their way to come introduce themselves to me. It is a beautiful salon where things are kept up very nicely and everyone does their part. It feels so good to go to work now and not have to spend my day getting sucked into someone elses drama. I didn't realize until after I was gone, what a toxic environment that was there. Thank you God for giving me the guts to do what I did.
  
  Also new and exciting, is that i am starting  project this year that I am thrilled about. Its called project life. After the past two years, I realize now how incredibly important every day in our lives is. I will be documenting every week for 2013! I REALLY hope that I can find the motivation to keep this up. I think the hardest part is going to be the pictures! I am also going to have to try to not be so boring and get out more! So hard with two kids!! Anyways, that's whats new and exciting with me. Cannot wait to see what 2013bringto the table, but so far, the end of 2012 has been amazing!

http://beckyhiggins.com/

baby its cold outside!

Spent today with Nora mostly. Noah had school and went to bed as soon as he came home!

Really got nothing done today which is OK. Today was one of those days

that was best spent in bed all day. 20 degrees!!! I'm pretty sure non of us are ready

for winter. Had big plans to get up and walk/run/attempt to run this morning, but after seeing the forecast...back to bed I went. My warm husband wins over working out.

Had a bit of fun with the camera today! Enjoy!

Hope everyone stays warm tonight!

xo

 

 

 

 

 

just rambling...

 

 

 

Its been awhile....I keep saying that I am going to get better at this blog thing and post more often, but really, its not hard for my day to get a little nutty. I'm making goals though this year and this is one of them . Along with taking up running...(hmmm...), saving more money, and actually PRINTING the pictures I have of the kids. I just wish life was a little less stressful. I need to learn to slow down and stop spending my day running after my little monsters cleaning up their messes because I don't want my house to look messy. They just end up making a bigger mess behind me. I need to learn to surrender to the fact that I have kids!!! They are messy! There is a little corner in my family room that I have for them to draw and do crafts. I try to organize and clean that everyday. For what? I need to stay away from the home decorating magazines. My home is not going to look like a pottery barn magazine until the kids move out. I need to just relax and enjoy them. Spending my days off cleaning all day is not so fun. I have two adorable fun kids that are only going to be little for a little while longer. My biggest goal...is to suck up all the time I can with them and to just let them be kids! Hope everyone is having a great day! xo