Pretty much fed up!

I want to start off by stating that this post is probably going to make some people very angry. I am in no way writing this personally to anyone. This is a subject that has been shoved in my face for 14 years and I honestly cannot take it anymore. I was scrolling through Facebook last night when I came across a religious post that someone had posted about women these days and why women of the apostolic religion do the things that they do and believe the things that they believe. It was all fine and dandy until it went on talking about us non apostolic women and why we do the things that we do. I am absolutely fed up and refuse to listen to it anymore. So, if you don't want to get offended, I suggest you stop right here and go on with you beliefs. Your beliefs that I have NO problem with at all and respect, until you start to judge mine.

So, lets talk about my problem with some people in this religion. A religion that forces their beliefs on us Christians with the intent on making us want to come follow the same path that they are on. This is a path that we are told will lead you to a life of peace. A place to really experience a true relationship with Christ. One where we can come to know him with all of our hearts and souls. Our lives will be better and no one else's beliefs will even be able to compare. I can tell you first hand that that is not the experience that I had with the church. I attended service with my then boyfriend/now husband on and off throughout the years that we dated. I usually left service feeling judged and mentally exhausted. I never grew up in church but I was very cautious of this God that was being represented to me at this place. I knew all about Jesus and that he died for our sins and that he loved each and every one of us unconditionally. I pretty much grew up on the basics but this was a new addition. A God that seemed always angry. But if I were to conform to their ways, maybe that would change?

Changing was never really a thought that ran through my head. The standards alone are what made me think it wasn't going to happen. I never thought of myself as slutty, or manly or unholy by the way I dressed. I dressed comfortable, even practical. Not once in my life did I think that it would be fun to try to get the attention of men in hopes that they would commit a sin! That was never who I was. So, I see these women with their uncut hair, no makeup, and skirts...to name a few... and I don't get it. To anyone that looks hard enough, they can see that the place is surrounded by double standards. "Don't color your hair" ..but you can perm it. "Don't wear makeup" ...but bronzer, clear mascara, and lip-gloss is ok. "Don't polish your nails!" ...but its ok to get acrylics put on! Please ladies, please tell me why its ok to pick and choose and then judge me on my appearance. I'm being REAL! I read last night a post about women these days conforming to the ways of the world, and why we cut our hair and wear the clothes that we do. I don't cut my hair for ANYONE but me! Not because whoever in Hollywood did it! I don't care. I cut my hair because number one, its HEALTHY!!!! and number 2, because I have baby fine thin hair that is much easier and faster to take care of when its short. It seems a bit impractical to grow my hair to floor length, roll it up in rollers every single day and then proceed to morph it into an elaborate up do for the sake of Jesus loving me when I have a family and a husband to attend to. And lets not forget that it is take completely out of context in the bible.  If you take it literal is its implied than women should have long hair and men should only have shaved heads. Yet how can you take your hair off only when praying and prophesying in public which is what the scripture says. Also how was it ok for a woman to take the Nazareth vow and yet at the end it commands the hair to be shaved. For the women to say I'm sinning because I wear jewelry but that's not taken out of context? Does the same verse also give the examples of braiding of hair and fine clothes? Pick and choose I guess.

Lets not forget pants! Yes, I wear pants. I wear them because they are comfortable, practical and they keep me warm. You say I am dressing like a man? Never in my life have I put on a pair of men's jeans. Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't Deuteronomy 22:5 says..."A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the Lord detests anyone who does this. SO, what's the problem. I'm wearing women's jeans. And guess what? Pants were not even hears of in the bible!!! THEY ALL WORE ROBES!!! Does it say men must wear pants and women must wear skirts? NO!!! so if you want to take it literally, put on your robes ladies and stop judging us. I also am offended by some saying that me wearing pants is immodest. I have been to enough church services and seen my fair share of pencil skirts, fish net tights, and stiletto heels. BUT, my jeans and sweater are making men all over the place sin!!

After commenting on a Facebook post yesterday that prompted this whole rant,  I was told that I have a lack of faith. It makes me crazy that anyone can say that we Christians do not have a full on relationship with God because we do not have the same beliefs. No other religion has ever made me feel this way before, and I can say that NO other pastor of a church has ever looked me in the eye and told me I was going to hell. That's right! That is the experience that I have with this religion. Being told you are going to hell seems like a favorite subject to preach about. Really the only one I remember...because it was basically every week. My husband and I were baptized not even a year ago in a church that we considered Home. We were baptized in the "Father, Son, and Holy Ghost". From what we are being told back is that it meant nothing since it was not in the name of "Jesus". For a church that prides itself in taking the Bible literal, we both found it hard to believe that all the MANY times it was said (even by Jesus himself) throughout the Bible to do it that way, the one time a MAN says it was the only correct way. How is it that taking a verse literal some how is then taken and interpreted to really be saying something else. I can't find one verse that said to be baptized in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit which is Jesus. Do I believe baptism is required, absolutely as it is stated throughout scripture.

  Next is speaking in tongues to be saved. Once again basing a belief on A scripture. Does not the bible say that speaking in tongues is a gift? Does it also say that not all people are given the same gifts? So if not everyone is given the same gift that not everyone can speak in tongues. Does not the bible also say that no more than two or three should speak in tongues at one time unless there is one to interpret? That NEVER happened at a single church service.

 So, if anyone else wants to go posting articles on Facebook that blast the everyday Christian believer for not walking the same path, I will promptly delete you. I have walked a very ugly road in the past few years. A road that has brought me straight to my creator when it easily could have done the opposite! He is the one that held my hand through the worst and to the light. For ANYONE to tell me that its still not good enough can just stick it where the sun don't shine. I don't have room for you in my life. Pick up your bible and read more than just a few scriptures that you alone have decided are the way the truth and the light. My husband and I have done just this! And I can promise you that we are loved by God and are paving OUR path to heaven because we live our lives to give glory to GOD!! Not by how we dress, what color I paint my nails, or what I do with my hair, but by how we live our lives! How we spend our time, and how we treat others. Its not about me! So, before you go off on another rant about my lack of faith or knowledge, pray about it. Know that I am NOT under any circumstance trying to get anyone to change their beliefs, standards or faith because of what I wrote! I am simply telling you to stop trying to make me feel unworthy because of mine! God is #1 in my life no matter what you think and I can promise you that his love for me is absolutely no less than his love for you.

One of THOSE days...

Today was one of those days. The kind that works your nerves. The kind of day where it starts off bad and you pray like crazy that it won't get worse. It was the kind of day that I find it mentally impossible to even be nice to my kids because every word they say is them trying to test me. I hate these days because I feel like a terrible mother. I just want ONE second to myself to walk upstairs without someone behind me screaming to pick them up. Or the moment they get quiet is quickly interrupted by someone screaming bloody murder because one of them took the others toy. It just wasn't a good day. But tomorrow will be better. I pray that God gives me the knowledge and patience to deal with the silly shortcomings of my day. My kids are a gift and I want them to know that even when they make me want to run away screaming and pulling out my hair....I love them with every ounce of my being. 

My little man

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I shared in my previous blog that we have been having some behavior issues with Noah. I have always been concerned that perhaps there is a bit of ADHD. I know for sure that it runs in his side of the family. We haven been doing our best to get a handle on it before it becomes a bigger problem. This little guy is a challenge. We have days where we butt heads something awful and I just need to leave. So, the past few weeks have been challenging for both of us. Sometimes I wonder if it is easier to just give up and let him act a fool. I know that it is incredibly hard to spend every minute that I am with him trying to figure out how to intercept the situation and avoid an argument, a struggle, an all out free for all of emotions. This past weekend I was home with the kids by myself because Jason works one Saturday a month. So, I got out the camera and decided that Noah was going to take pictures all day. "I want to see your day!" I said to him. He was so incredibly excited and was ready to move! Thankfully it was a GORGEOUS weekend and we go outside. Noah had so much taking pictures and telling stories while he was doing it. He was just fantastic all day.

 

I shared in my previous blog that we have been having some behavior issues with Noah. I have always been concerned that perhaps there is a bit of ADHD. I know for sure that it runs in his side of the family. We haven been doing our best to get a handle on it before it becomes a bigger problem. This little guy is a challenge. We have days where we butt heads something awful and I just need to leave. So, the past few weeks have been challenging for both of us. Sometimes I wonder if it is easier to just give up and let him act a fool. I know that it is incredibly hard to spend every minute that I am with him trying to figure out how to intercept the situation and avoid an argument, a struggle, an all out free for all of emotions. This past weekend I was home with the kids by myself because Jason works one Saturday a month. So, I got out the camera and decided that Noah was going to take pictures all day. "I want to see your day!" I said to him. He was so incredibly excited and was ready to move! Thankfully it was a GORGEOUS weekend and we go outside. Noah had so much taking pictures and telling stories while he was doing it. He was just fantastic all day.

what's goin on

Rainy yucky day here in Summerville, and I finally got the kids to take a nap! The past couple of weeks have been a bit rough around here. Noah has been having issues at school for a while now and we are doing our best to try and get a  handle on his behavior. Last week, we started him on a gluten free diet and so far we have seen results. He is just not as much of a spaz and seems to actually listen when we talk to him. Before it was like talking to the wall. ADHD has always been in the back of our minds especially since it runs in Jason's family. I just absolutely do not want to get him medicated. I have seen kids that are and some are just little zombies. I will say that if worst comes to worst, I will do it. I just want it to be my last resort. I will do whatever it takes to make sure that my child is able to learn at the level he should be learning at. He is incredibly smart and I know how far he is able to go.
  Nora decided on Monday to get yet another staph infection. I cannot tell you how mentally exhausting those things are. It is so hard when you do everything that they tell you to do to try and prevent them, and it just wont stop. There is nothing worse than seeing your sweet baby in pain and know there is nothing you can do about it.  Trying to make the most of the good things going on in our house right now and enjoying what is usually FANTASTIC weather. We have been in the  70's and sunny almost every day. I am so lovin it!



I am my mother.

I am my mother.

 

 

Isn't she beautiful?

I am my mother because I have slowly over the years adopted some of her traits.

Some good, some bad. Some silly.

 

 

 

I have developed a small obsession with cookbooks. Mostly because some of them are beautiful.

I have big plans to make everything inside of them and it is rare that that happens.

After my mom passed, I'm pretty confident that we found hundreds of cookbooks in boxes. Some we had never seen before.

 

I am my mother because every Saturday morning she would get up and clean the house. Not that I clean the house on Saturday mornings, because I don't. But  because I turn into a complete crab when I clean. I remember staying as far away from her on Saturday mornings as possible because it was quite possible that you were going to get yelled at for no particular reason other than you were in the house, and you were not cleaning and being a crab as well.

 

I Love artichokes. I will never forget the first time she introduced me to a REAL artichoke. She showed me how to eat it. just that tiny bit of artichoke made me a lover of that delicious vegetable forever.

 

 

I am my mother because my husband is my best friend. Her and my dad were pretty much inseparable. They fought like cats and dogs, but their love went way beyond the pettiness of the little un- important things in life. I watched her stay by his side when he first got sick and him by hers. Never leaving. I love Jason with that same kind of love. Its very intense.

 

 

 I get up every morning and do my hair and make-up. Why? Just because. I feel better. I would stand in the bathroom with her and ask her all about her make-up and her hair. I watched her put it on, studied how she did her hair, and I became that girl.

 

I am my mother because I am becoming obsessed with new lipstick. She had a shoebox FULL of lipstick colors! She didn't like to look like she wasn't wearing any, so she had bright colors. I used to love picking out lipstick with her because I always picked out the brightest colors and she usually liked them! I have recently found a love for lipstick. I never wore it before, but it is slowly becoming my new favorite makeup.:)

 

 

Its so funny to me that without even thinking about it, I am becoming my mother in some ways. I miss her so much and most of all I hope that Nora gets to see how her grandma lived and loved, through me living and loving the same way.