One year

  One year ago today we lost a beautiful woman, my best friend, my mother.  Looking back on the days right before, I remember praying that it would end. When you have never watched someone suffer like that, you don't really understand when someone says to you, "I just wish it was over". And then you watch it happen. I realized just yesterday that I don't remember what she looked like at the end. Thank God for that. I have seen to much and I pray I never have to do it again. I remember the last normal conversation that I had with her. It was about salad dressing of all things. But it has stuck in my head  and I was so happy that she could just talk to me like we always did....about nothing really. I miss how she would make me feel better when something was going wrong. She never told me to just not worry about things, but would let me just talk and talk about something bothering me and never acted like it wasn't important. I miss our Wednesday and Sunday night talks on the patio with everyone. My dad usually telling us about something horrible he did as a teenager and us spilling our secrets. All the time my mom just sat there and laughed, enjoying the company. Most of all I miss her with Noah. My heart breaks thinking about how she will never see him grow up. She never really got to know Nora and that also kills me. Noah doesn't remember her, and Nora never had the chance to. The one thing that makes me smile a little, is knowing that my mom and dad are together. There are no words as to how terrible it is to watch your dad suffer without his best friend. I miss them both so much and nothing is the same. It never will be. I try everyday to make it feel normal, but it doesn't. I have moments when I cannot believe that it is real, that it really happened. I cannot believe that I am without my mom and dad. They were incredible people! I am so thankful to God forgiving me 28 years with them. They both live on in my hear forever.