We did it!

I cannot believe it! We made it happen. After years of dreaming, talking, hoping, giving up, and then dreaming some more, we ACTUALLY made it happen!  Spent literally the entire day packing. Tomorrow the movers will be there and the. We are off! I am just beside myself excited. Woke up a little early this morning and laid there thinking about everything that has happened in the he past two years that we have lived in our house. It almost feels like it was very unlucky. We moved in one month after my mom started chemo and we are moving the week after we finished up on their house. It has been non stop. I walked around today and remembered all of the not so good events that have taken place in my house. My mom in my family room totally dazed and confused with all of the drugs she was on while we all tried to get her out of La la land. My dad on my couch every night looking like he was going to break down at any second. The morning I woke up and found Sweety had died. I had two dinners at my house for my family after both of my parents memorials. I spent the last year helping fix up their house to be ready to sell. There has been no break. The best day I had in that house was the day I brought Nora home. But that's about it. I have some terrible memories there. I cannot wait for a fresh start! I am going to miss my family like crazy!!! Since the death of my parents we had all become so much closer and I love it. I will also miss my friends! I am so thankful for the ones who have stuck by me through all of this craziness! For understanding when it's been to busy to always get together and to offer your help and make time for me in the end even when I couldn't always do the same of them. I love you guys and I cannot wait for vacations to the beach! Anyways, time for bed with another crazy day tomorrow. This is it!!! One more night as a St.Louis resident!

Chapter two...

WOW! it has been awhile! And so much has happened. The past 3 months or so have been so chaotic that I haven't had time to really sit and write. We are moving! YES!  Moving to Charleston South Carolina. Something we have talked about for what seems like forever. It has always been in the back of our minds and we swore that one day we would get there. Maybe after the kids graduated or we won the lottery...which we don't play..! Anywho, we made it happen. Found Jason an incredible job at a massive dealership out there. He is so incredibly excited about all of the opportunity that he will soon have available to him.

   Looks like I am not going to be able to work the first year. That really is OK with me. After making myself absolutely nuts I found Noah a preschool to attend 3 days a week. I know this is going to be a huge change for all of us. I look at everything as a gift from God though. Maybe it sounds silly, but I really am excited about being home. I get to stay at home with my kids right when they are at the end of being tiny. I get Noah right before he starts kindergarten, and Nora before preschool. I look forward to not having to stop everything with the kids to go to work, or spend 2 hours getting ready because I spend an hour of that trying to get them to give me time to actually get ready! I can give them my full attention. I can cook dinner at home! I wont be coming home at 8 at night anymore with my feet killing me and way to tired to even think about making dinner. I'm very happy for that. SATURDAYS!! where do I even begin!? I get to spend Saturdays with my family!

   The comments I have had from everyone have been both good and bad. There are those that are so excited for us and wish us nothing but the best! For those that want to be negative, let me ask you this. Imagine waking up one morning and your entire life has been destroyed. You have seen what seemed like endless suffering. Two of the closest people in your life...GONE. Nothing is the same. All of those family functions that we love so much now have sadness in them. Driving down 270 to Mercy hospital, all I see is the treatment rooms at the top of the cancer center. Every single dialysis center brings back a rush of pain. That house...I used to have some incredible memories there but now all I see is suffering. Even my own house, I still see my dad looking like a sad puppy sitting on my couch, trying to smile and make us think hes doing just fine. I am surrounded by haunting memories. Replaying things over and over. No, I am not running away. I am simply starting a new chapter in a place I have dreamed of. If you were given the opportunity, wouldn't you do the same?

  So, I am choosing to ignore the negative. Two years ago I would have said I may never get there, but God has been nudging me with this for years.I have been told I will be miserable, I may hate it, what if its not that great there, your kids are going to make you crazy. SURE, I know that I will have days where I am not loving it, but I have those days here all the time. That's life. Not everyday is going to be fabulous. But I will be fine!I have my best friend with me and we are going to make every single day the best that we can. Make new memories in a beautiful city, I have told myself that I was OK with staying here forever and found myself crying from the thought of it. I have prayed about it and I feel in my heart that it is our God sized dream! Who knows what He has waiting for us there. All I know is that I have never been more excited to figure it out!