A new journey!

In the past year, I have found a new love. A love of taking pictures.  This new love comes from regret. I have a lot of regret because after losing my parents, I realized that I have almost no pictures of my parents and my kids. This is a very devastating fact for me simply because both of them are too young to remember either of them. I don't want that to happen with anyone else I love. I take pictures of my kids everyday! REALLY, everyday! I am pretty sure that Noah has had enough because every time I get my camera out, he looks away or goes into another room! Nora on the other hand, has become quite the supermodel! I love that I can take a beautiful moment in life and freeze it. I have zero interest in making this a career. I only want to make it a hobby for me and my family. I have grabbed a few brag books from the craft stores and this gives me motivation to actually print the pictures out! With everything being digital, it is pretty easy to just forget about printing them.  I am very excited about finding something that makes me happy even though I am learning and no where near where I want to be. I look forward to growing and capturing all of the important moments in my life with my kids and my husband. I hope you can find something to inspire you today! xo

goodbye facebook!

Tonight I said goodbye to facebook! Honestly it has been a long time coming.  A client told me tonight that she did it and it just felt very liberating! I have had other people tell me that before. I have been tempted for sometime. I'm so not joking when I say that facebook is taking over the world! Everyone is in everyone else's business and everyone is always trying to outdo someone else. Who had the better vacation, who is having a better day, basically who has the best life that they can make up and brag all over facebook. I just don't love it. I'm not at a good place right now and getting online everyday and seeing how wonderful every ones life is was honestly depressing. It was making me in a bad mood and I became preoccupied with things that are not important. the people that are really my friends already know how to get a hold of me. Weather it is here, email, text message..etc. I look forward to no longer caring about what someone ate for lunch, how fantastic their children are, and how perfect their life is. No one has a perfect life and I need to focus on mine! So, until next time! xo

my babies..

As I am sitting here watching Noah try to put together some of Jason's old ninja turtles toys, (or "engine turtles"as Noah would call them) I am overwhelmed by how incredibly fast this little guy grew up. I realize that he is only a toddler, but I can remember rocking him in the rocker and thinking "I better enjoy this because soon I wont be able to do it." He is such a little man now and so many people think that he is four or five. I hate to make him any older than he already is. Everyone tells you that "they grow up so fast" and you agree, but only when you are there and you look at them and think "when the heck did you start using complete sentences?", do you realize just how fast. Even Nora blows my mind. I feel sad sometimes with Nora because of everything that was going on with my mom and dad when she was an infant. Sometimes I feel like I missed out on those days. No regrets though. I love that they are now starting to play together and sometimes Noah will even share a toy or two...and then take it back a few minutes later. I look at these two and its an incredible feeling of pride. I look back at life and I feel like in a lot of ways I was dealt a nasty card. My mom and dad will never see my kids grow up. That is all there is too it and it is a very hard fact to face. I know that Noah was the light of my moms life and she loved him more than words. I'm other ways, I am extremely lucky. I married my best friend. We went through alot of hard times and in the end love always wins. Then God blessed me with two of the most incredible children a girl could ask for. I look at them and wonder what I did to deserve exactly what I always dreamed of. A boy and a girl. They are so incredibly beautiful and I really do thank God everyday for them. They are the light of my life. Even when they are little monsters, they always somehow know how to make me smile and help me to see life through their eyes. So, that's just my thoughts for today, and what has been on my mind for the past few days. Sorry if I rambled! Hope everyone has a beautiful day!xo

staying cool!

Hope everyone had a great 4th of July and that everyone in and around the STL stayed cool! I know we did. Have a happy Thursday! xo

Feelin hot hot hot!

ITS HOT, its really really hot today. These are the days that I am ready for fall. I am hoping that by then, I will be in a better place mentally and that I can really sit back and enjoy it this year. I am ready for the trees to turn pretty colors (although they really wont since it NEVER RAINS!). I am ready for fires in the fire pit with my best friends.I am ready for s'mores! I am ready to start my yearly collection of fall smelling candles. I love the way my house smells in the fall. I want to put on a hoodie and sit on my front porch with a blanket and read for hours. I want to open up all the windows on a cloudy cool day and and just do nothing with the kids. I want to rake the leaves in the front yard and let Noah go to town in them. I really hate to rush the seasons, because God knows I am NOT ready for winter. It is just too HOT!! SO, until the weather cools down and the leaves start to change I will take in as much of summer as I can and enjoy my pretty flowers and the fact that I have not had to buy basil, cilantro, or parsley this year! HORRAY for growing herbs! Hope everyone has a COOL day!xo

looking for inspiration

Happy Monday! Not ready for reality after a short weekend. Got a date night at the boathouse with Jason and a girls day with Nora on Sunday. I also had a lot of inspiration this weekend and I feel like I spend everyday trying to figure out what it is I want out of life. Since the death of my parents, I find it impossible to go back to the life that once was. I honestly don't want to. I feel like my life has been separated into three parts. The part where everyone was here, happy, and healthy, the part where they were sick, and now the new part. The part I'm trying to figure out. I feel like lately I have so much anger. I don't want to feel angry. I'm so tired of seeing all of the bad days from the past in my head. I'm just not sure how to get rid of them I want to move forward so bad and it is alot harder than anyone could ever imagine. When you grow up in a family that is extremely close, and then all of the sudden, its over, it tears you up and leaves scars that I know will never go away. So, in the meantime, I'm trying to figure out who I am, what I want, and where I need to be. I am so thankful that I have a husband that puts up with my crazy mood swings and listens to me say the same things over and over. Healing is hard, and takes time. For right now, I go out of my way to surround myself with positive things in life that make me happy, and inspire me. Hope you all find something this week that inspires you as well! xo

                                                    and of course, a few of the kids......

lazy Wednesday

Today has just been one of those days. Started out pretty not so good, but it has settled down now and so have I. Nora is in bed and Noah is at Grandmas. SO, I get a few minutes to myself to do nothing. Trying to not think about the laundry piling up or that the dishes need to be put in the dishwasher. IT is so hard sometimes to just stop and not worry about the little things. The clothes aren't going anywhere and neither are the dishes. Got the kiddos outside in this gorgeous weather to take some pictures of their pretty faces. Of course Noah just refuses to take pictures so I never get many of him. Nora, on the other hand is a supermodel! I love these two. So incredibly thankful that I get to spend most of my time with them even though sometimes they make me nutty! xo