One year ago today we lost a beautiful woman, my best friend, my mother. Looking back on the days right before, I remember praying that it would end. When you have never watched someone suffer like that, you don't really understand when someone says to you, "I just wish it was over". And then you watch it happen. I realized just yesterday that I don't remember what she looked like at the end. Thank God for that. I have seen to much and I pray I never have to do it again. I remember the last normal conversation that I had with her. It was about salad dressing of all things. But it has stuck in my head and I was so happy that she could just talk to me like we always did....about nothing really. I miss how she would make me feel better when something was going wrong. She never told me to just not worry about things, but would let me just talk and talk about something bothering me and never acted like it wasn't important. I miss our Wednesday and Sunday night talks on the patio with everyone. My dad usually telling us about something horrible he did as a teenager and us spilling our secrets. All the time my mom just sat there and laughed, enjoying the company. Most of all I miss her with Noah. My heart breaks thinking about how she will never see him grow up. She never really got to know Nora and that also kills me. Noah doesn't remember her, and Nora never had the chance to. The one thing that makes me smile a little, is knowing that my mom and dad are together. There are no words as to how terrible it is to watch your dad suffer without his best friend. I miss them both so much and nothing is the same. It never will be. I try everyday to make it feel normal, but it doesn't. I have moments when I cannot believe that it is real, that it really happened. I cannot believe that I am without my mom and dad. They were incredible people! I am so thankful to God forgiving me 28 years with them. They both live on in my hear forever.
It has been so long since I posted anything on here and I feel terrible about it. Life has been full lately with kids, work, and just getting things done. Things have been going ok the last few weeks. I have been a little stresses the past few weeks with Noah because of his eye. If you remember, he had surgery back in July to fix a droopy eyelid. He did amazing, and his eye was perfect. Well, about 3 weeks ago he got pink eye and it started to droop again. I took home to the plastic surgeon and was told that it was irritated and would go back. So far, no good. I am hoping and praying that God will take care of this being as I do not wan to out him through surgery again and I fear that kids are mean. I realize that this is a tiny issue and sometimes I feel like a terrible mother for caring about it as much as I do. I am just a little tired of nothing working out the way I pray for it too. Life isn't easy, but a little break every now and then would be fantastic.
Jason and I got to get away this week and take a little trip to Asheville North Carolina. I was wanting a trip that would be relaxing. It has been amazing. We got a cabin in the woods that is BEAUTIFUL and we have spent much of the week exploring the blue ridge mountains. I have never hiked before and I loved every minute of it. Nothing too strenuous of course :).
I am not ready to go back to reality but I miss the kids. We have talked to Noah every night so far and that has been great. So, for now that is all really. Hopefully life will stay uneventful for the next few months or so, so that I can try and get some projects done and even have a little time to myself before10 at night! HA! we will see.... Hope everyone has a beautiful day! xo
Its pumpkin time! One of my favorite times of the year is fall. I love getting the kids out to the pumpkin patch. I feel like it makes it really seem like fall. The leaves are starting to turn, the temperature is getting chilly, and everything is pumpkin flavored..(I love you pumpkin spice latte..) The kids had a blast picking out pumpkins and playing. Hoping that next week we can pick apples! xo
